


HARRY FUCKING POTTER

by scottishtragedies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: 30 Days of Writing, College AU, Emails, F/F, Gay, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Plotless, Rants, Whoop Whoop, bursuso, spierfeld, the sorcerer's stone, these tags are bs, they're dating because why not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scottishtragedies/pseuds/scottishtragedies
Summary: Leah and Simon place a bet on who can get their significant other to watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone first.





	HARRY FUCKING POTTER

**Author's Note:**

> I'm participating in a 30 days of writing challenge thing, so I'm posting whatever doesn't turn out ultra shitty. This is day 2, and the challenge was: write at least 250 words inspired by the wall colour of the room you are in. (My wall colour was beige, so the obvious choice was a college dorm).

FROM:  [ abbysus.ohmygod@gmail.com ](mailto:abbysus.ohmygod@gmail.com)

TO:  [ lburke0920@gmail.com ](mailto:lburke0920@gmail.com)

DATE: Mar 28 at 7:22 PM

SUBJECT: HARRY FUCKING POTTER

 

Leah,

As you requested, I watched the Sorcerer’s Stone, you know, to redeem the fact that apparently my childhood was “deprived of so much love and happiness” from having never seen it. All I can say is,  _ wow.  _ You were completely right— my childhood  _ was  _ deprived. 

 

I'm damn near positive my roommate has it out for me, though. I  _ may  _ have watched it at 2 in the morning. With the volume turned up as high as it would go. And with several pints of ice cream (which I possibly stole from her stash in the fridge) in my lap. Needless to say, I had a lovely night (it would've been lovelier with you there, however. Not to be a  _ gay  _ or anything). 

 

But seriously: W.O.W. I cannot believe, with Simon being Simon and you being you, I haven't been forced against my will to watch it. Frankly, I'm disappointed. 

 

Now, onto an intelligent report and review. 

 

Harry’s aunt and uncle and that fuCKING COUSIN CAN SUCK MY JUICY FUCKING DICK HARRY WAS/IS A FUCKING ORPHAN BECAUSE HIS PARENTS WERE FUCKING MURDERED HOW DARE THEY TREAT HIM LIKE SUCH VILE SHIT??! Dumbledore was a douche for leaving him there in the first place. 

 

You know who else I hate? Greasy potion man. Harry came from a family of (wretched) muggles, how was he supposed to know the difference between… whatever the fuck those things he was supposed to know the difference about? Not cool, Greaselord. NOT. COOL. 

 

Okay, help me out here. What the fuck was Dumbledore thinking when he destroyed the goddamn stone? For God’s sake (or shall I say Merlin’s? :) ) he could've given it to Harry so Harry could be IMMORTAL and all that jazzy shit! I mean, wasn't Voldesnakedude  _ after  _ Harry? Couldn't Harry really have benefitted from immortality? Dumbledore’s a dumbass. DUMBASS. 

 

Also, I'm a little bit in love with that Irish kid who kept blowing shit up (platonically, of course). What a doll. 

 

I'm going to watch the second movie soon (which, according to Google, is the Chamber of Secrets. Can I get a fact check on that? I'm sure you have stronger Harry Potter knowledge than Google), maybe you could come over and watch it with me? I'm sure I could  _ somehow _ get my roommate away for the weekend… not that I'm suggesting we  _ do _ anything! Just kidding, that's  _ exactly _ what I'm suggesting. :) Let me know if you can, though? I'd love it. 

 

I really do hope they fix the blond snake boy’s hair in the next movie… 

 

Love,

Abs <3 

 

P.S.: 

I HAVE to read these books. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I goddamn H A V E to. 

 


End file.
